


I'm Fine

by shienne1327



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: But there's comfort too, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Infinity Arc, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Syaoran needs this hahaha, THERE'S HURT, enjoy, first fic in this fandom, hurt!syaoran, i need this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-05 09:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17322704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shienne1327/pseuds/shienne1327
Summary: He was a stranger to them. He may wear the same face as their previous companion, but he was a nobody to them. They don't know anything about him… about the fear he feels when he remembers his imprisonment… the guilt he feels for the distortion he created… the hurt for losing everything and never belonging anywhere. But that shouldn't matter. This was the price he has to pay after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I just wanted to get this out of my system because I'm stressed out and I wanted—needed to complete this because I can't focus with my studies which I should really be focusing on right now.
> 
> Because next month is our board exam bahahahah *Crying in the inside*
> 
> PRAY FOR ME!
> 
> Oh yeah, this is my first fic for Tsubasa. I just thought Syaoran really needs comfort because he had been through a lot and the guilt he carries asvvdvhjvhjsfh
> 
> So yes… enjoy anyway!

**I'm Fine**

He remembered being suspended with nothing but the cold liquid and darkness as his company. For years he was trapped and he knew he was all on his own in this.

He was so alone…

_So alone…_

He ignored the way Fai tensed when he would walk by… or the way Kurogane would watch him when he thought he wasn't looking… or the way the Princess would rush for her room, despite her leg. It was alright. He deserved this.

He was fine.

When they have to wait for the next Chess battle and try to rest up as much as they can, the tense atmosphere would be there. But he did not let that hinder him… he would make a small bow when he bumped into Fai—he would smile at Kurogane as the man grunt at him after greeting him—and he would look down the ground as the Princess would suddenly come out of her room.

He knew he should be more worried about her, especially since… he shook his head as he knew it wasn't his place.

He lost that right after that incident...

But he knew something wasn't right… and had a feeling that the Princess was planning something—that she was hiding something.

So all he could do was silently worry and lay in bed at night… wondering and wondering… his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth pulled into a frown… before finally being pulled into another restless sleep.

_Everything was dark…_

_No one was coming for him…_

_He had to escape this alone… and he had no choice but wait for that right time…_

_His limbs were stiff and heavy…_

_Every day he struggled to break the seal… but he wasn't powerful enough._

_However, this was his price._

_Though he seemed to be in a peaceful slumber, in the inside he screamed in frustration and anger… and fear…_

Syaoran was startled awake, his heart pounding hard against his chest. He shivered despite the warm rays of the sun that trickled through his windows. His limbs ache and for a moment everything felt like he was in that water prison all over again as he shut his eyes tightly.

Alone… isolated…

Waiting—

A knock to the door snapped him from his confusion, and he knew that was Kurogane… letting him know it was time for breakfast.

He let out a shaky breath and placed a quivering hand over his left eye. He took a deep breath to keep himself calm. All those negative feelings pushed at the back of his mind as he tried to think of the present.

He was fine.

He didn't realize he was playing with his food until Mokona perked up and scolded him lightly. He smiled and apologized eating the piece of pancake he had been pushing around his plate, all the while trying to pretend that he couldn't sense the stares of the others.

"The next battle is scheduled three days from now." Fai spoke up as he ate his pancake.

"Hn. So soon." Kurogane commented, which was a little surprising, knowing that the ninja enjoyed the battles. True, it usually took about two weeks before another battle would be announced… but sudden ones are to be expected.

Then he noticed those crimson eyes directed at him, and he realized the man was staring at the bandages, slightly obscured by the collar of his shirt. He unconsciously pulled the fabric over the bandages as he remembered being sliced right over his shoulder by their recent enemy.

His mouth twitch into a small smile, "I'm fine, Kurogane-san."

Then he watched those eyes sharpened and before he knew it, the man had stood up and grabbed his plate in a rather harsh manner, before heading for the kitchen. He tensed as he heard the loud clatter of the dishes and the ninja left the place before he could say anything.

Though he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say.

Did he do something wrong?

Then he noticed Sakura had been staring at him with a somber look before looking down her plate. Fai just smiled that hollow smile before he resumed eating as well. He tried to push that heavy feeling away once more as he calmly picked up his own plate filled with unfinished pancakes and deposited them to the sink.

He ignored the soft murmurs between the two as he shut the door behind him and leaned back with a soft thump.

He was fine.

He remembered Fei Wong's cruel words as they faced the witch and Watanuki. How much suffering and distortion he had cause because of a foolish wish. He had greatly sinned… and although he had paid the price with time and freedom… what he had done to those lives…

He had gambled…. And he had lost…

Now, he caused everyone around him nothing but pain.

Ignoring his own pain that spiked his shoulder, he swung the blade with precision, cutting off the dummy he had made. He let out a sigh and swung again, remembering Kurogane's advices and training. Then he paused as he remembered it wasn't him—but the clone.

His grip tightened without him realizing before shaking his head. He needed to fight. This was not the time to start comparing. It was never him that had been through those adventures with them… that is why it is understandable why there was this wall that stood between them.

He saw and experienced everything… but it was different since it wasn't him at that time.

"You're not focusing."

He stiffened as he realized he had just let his guard down. He turned, surprised to see Kurogane standing from afar, his arms crossed while looking grumpy (as Fai would usually love to point out)… but those crimson eyes were hard to read as usual.

"Kurogane-san…" He made a small bow, "I'm sorry… did I disturb you?"

He had been training just outside the apartment as soon as the sun started rising, finding himself unable to go back to sleep as he remembered those bindings and prison and—

"The mage wanted me to buy some things." He grunted and he tilted his head to the direction of the towns, and Syaoran immediately nodded his head with a smile. He followed the ninja without asking, using his magic to store the sword as he tried to catch up with the other.

This had been one of his favorite routines. Once or twice a week, Kurogane would be told by the mage to buy some supplies and Syaoran would often tag along, hoping to be of some help. Though there wasn't much talking as they buy stuff, Syaoran was content that at least there was no tense or suffocating atmosphere between them. Though he had to admit, he enjoyed it more when Mokona would be around.

And as if hearing his thoughts, the white being popped out of the ninja's collar, "Good morning, Syaoran!"

"Good morning!" He greeted with as much enthusiasm as Mokona hopped into his awaiting arms.

He always enjoyed their company. Because with them… he didn't have to feel so guarded.

"Did you have breakfast?" Kurogane asked as they stopped in front of a bakery and Syaoran just smiled, "I can wait later when we get back."

"Mokona wants chocolate tarts and doughnuts!" Mokona exclaimed from Syaoran's arms.

"Nobody asked you!" Kurogane growled out as he pointed at the doughnuts while the slightly scared baker rushed to grab a paper bag, much to Syaoran's amusement.

"Mou! Kuro-pyon is always so mean to Mokona!" Mokona faked cry, "Maybe if Mokona used Syaoran's voice~"

"Shut up or you'll be today's breakfast menu!"

"Waah! Save me Syaoran!" The white being bounced towards the brunet's shoulder, causing him to flinch as Mokona hit his injury. He immediately tried to hide it with a smile, "You won't be eaten, Mokona. It'll be alright."

He ignored the way Kurogane's eyes narrowed at him and just kept smiling.

This was fine.

The small paper bag shoved into his arms surprised him, causing another spike of pain from his injury.

"Don't push yourself." Kurogane grumbled as he started walking away, "And eat that, the mage's list is long. You're gonna need the energy."

Syaoran looked down the bag of doughnuts, hesitating, before following the ninja immediately. He stopped next to the taller man, and took out a doughnut. He bit on it and tried to keep his eyes from burning as he felt the pang of happiness and yet sadness as he enjoyed the sweet pastry.

"Thank you, Kurogane-san."

"Hn."

"Yay! Doughnuts!" Mokona exclaimed, grabbing almost all the doughnuts and without hesitation devoured them.

"Oi! Don't finish them all!"

"But Mokona's hungry!"

And the bickering was back causing Syaoran to chuckle in amusement. Then suddenly, Mokona was back in his arms, looking up at him in worry, "Mokona left Syaoran some doughnuts, because Syaoran didn't eat dinner last night."

"Oh." He remembered seeing the small smile on the Princess' face last night, as the mage and Mokona were busy making funny gestures and jokes while Kurogane growled and yelled at them to stop playing with their food. His heart ached at seeing such a familiar scene—and before he knew it—he had shut the door to his room before they could notice his presence.

They deserved that moment of peace.

"I got tired of yesterday's training and accidentally slept through dinner." Syaoran lied.

"And yet it looks like you haven't been sleeping at all." Kurogane suddenly spoke up.

He tried not to look back at those eyes that were definitely boring through him.

_He struggled as he watched the creation of his clone, the magic keeping him trapped… stiff…_

_And suddenly red symbols spread over his arms and it was as if he was paralyzed. He had to do something! He couldn't help but stare at those dull brown eyes and an idea sprouted from his desperation as he forced his hand to rip his left eye out and slam it through the mirror towards his clone._

_A gamble was made… and for once—he hoped he would win._

_Then he started feeling weak…_

_The runes now surrounding him formed his new prison and everything went black._

"I'm sorry." The words were out before he could even think about it as he smiled at Mokona then at Kurogane who suddenly looked pissed, "I'll try not to skip dinner next time."

"Stop that." Kurogane growled, causing him to stiffen, "It doesn't suit you at all."

He tried not to think about those words too hard as the smile immediately fell from his face. He ignored the turmoil he felt as he wondered if he destroyed whatever bond he and Kurogane had left for lying—or for reminding him too much of the clone that had betrayed them for smiling in such manner.

They continued their task in silence and he hadn't realized he had gripped Mokona a little too hard as he noticed that the atmosphere was now tense around them. The white bun looked up at him in worry. Without thinking about it, he smiled once more and ignored how the other glared at him.

"I'm fine."

* * *

" _What were you thinking?"_

Syaoran kept his head bowed as he clenched his fists at his sides. The words spoken sounded calm, but he could practically feel the malicious aura pouring from the mage. He deserved the hate and anger. Heck he was just waiting for a blow… he deserved it after all…

For almost getting Kurogane killed.

He had gotten distracted when his opponent had used a strange blade that for some reason made his right arm grew heavy as soon as he received a small scratch by the forearm. It wasn't enough to incapacitate him… however he was soon reminded of Fei Wong's magic trying to hold him back… making his limbs feel just as heavy as fear, anger and panic clouded his mind.

And his fatigue, addled mind had suddenly pulled him into an illusion of being back in that prison—and he panicked.

He was snapped out when he heard a horrified gasp and a yell from his friends as he looked up in time to see Kurogane appear in front of him. The ninja was too uncoordinated as he was slashed across the chest unable to block the blade— all because he had let his guard down.

Syaoran had managed to deliver the finishing blow and their team won… but when Kurogane collapsed they knew something was wrong.

And now here they were, waiting for the healers to fix their friend… Fai had cornered him as Sakura left to get some drinks along with Mokona. He had expected this… and didn't dare look up at his glowing eye. He never did… not when he will be reminded of what his clone had done.

"Look at me." The mage said.

He couldn't.

He could only shut his eyes tightly and bow deeply, "I'm sorry."

And there was silence. It remained that way for about a whole minute and Syaoran's right arm was trembling, still feeling unusually heavy as he kept both arms by his sides. Then finally, the other spoke.

"No."

His eyes snapped open just as Fai walked away. It was like his breath was knocked out of him and something ached and hurt—

Slowly, he stood straight and kept his eyes on the ground. He then looked up and was surprised to see Sakura… the Princess… looking hesitant while cradling a sleeping Mokona. She took a step forward towards him before stopping, as if realizing what she was about to do, then turned to the direction Fai left.

"Princess…"

Her emerald eyes flashed in pain and he knew she was remembering  _him_. She shook her head and muttered, "I'm sorry."

With one last glance directed at him, she left… limping after the mage as fast as her crippled leg would let her.

Syaoran shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms over his torso and leaned back. He wanted to go check on the ninja, but he knew he had no right to even step one foot in his room. Fai would probably stab him if he even dared show up.

"Excuse me?" A healer made him look up, "You must be one of the fighters in the recent Chess game. Would you like me to check you for injuries?"

He was shaking his head even as the other spoke, clutching his forearm where the scratch was, "No… I'm fine."

* * *

After that incident, Syaoran had kept his distance. Fortunately, Kurogane had made a full recovery… though he would never know what happened and what injuries the other had sustained that had caused him to collapse like that.

Kurogane was probably the strongest person he knew, so he couldn't help but wonder.

Syaoran had been in the middle of reading a book… his right arm slung over his stomach, still feeling stiff and heavy, making him wonder if a nerve had been hit from the scratch when a knock interrupted him.

He hastily answered the door and saw Kurogane glaring down at him, his attention automatically landed on the bandages hidden behind his shirt, "Yes?"

"It's time for dinner."

His mouth twitched into one of  _those_  smiles but immediately stopped as he answered, "I'm not hungry… but thank you for—"

"Cut the crap!" And the other had grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his room.

He immediately leaned back on his heels trying to resist, "Kurogane-san—please—"

There must've been something in his tone, because the man had stopped pulling his arm and had turned at him with an unreadable expression. He couldn't look at him in the eye, letting his bangs shadow his own.

"I promise… I will eat." His hand unconsciously held the stiff arm, "Just… not now."

Kurogane turned to face him, "Something happened if you're shutting yourself out like this."

"No. Please don't misunderstand."

Then the ninja was growling, "I don't think I will understand anything if you don't speak up, kid."

"I'm sorry—"

"Shut up!" And his arm was yanked harshly and he shrunk back in reflex.

The grip was suddenly gone just as he felt something trickle down from his face. His eyes widened as he realized tears were pouring out of his eyes and something heavy and cold seemed to settle over his heart. He hadn't even realize—

"Kid…"

"I-I'm—" He quickly cut off the impending apology and hastily wiped his eyes, "It seems I'm more tired than I thought. I'll just—"

The hand on his head cuts him off, making him tense up.

"You didn't do anything wrong…" The grip was warm and gentle and he let himself relax, "Got that?"

Not trusting his voice, he nodded.

Later that night, as he tried to sleep, he could hear the muffled voices of Kurogane and Fai. And it sounded like they were arguing.

And he knew it was because of him.

He shut his eyes, trying to block the noise out.

This was fine. He was fine.

* * *

Lately, he had been feeling more tired and easily fatigued. Not to mention clumsier. After Kurogane had managed to force him to join breakfast, he kept dropping his spoon. He felt a little embarrassed at the questioning gazes and gave up when he only managed to consume half his cereal.

Everyone was almost finished and here he was still trying to keep a firm grip of his spoon.

Then, during practice, he had almost impaled Kurogane when his sword slipped from his grasp. To say the ninja wasn't happy was an understatement.

And during one of their errands, Syaoran wasn't able to grab the bag of eggs handed to him, thus leaving them to clean up the splattered yolks and shattered egg shells.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Kurogane growled out one night, deciding that was the last straw, as he accidentally dropped the plate he was about to clean by the sink.

Syaoran was immediately on his knees, trying to pick the pieces up. He heard the princess say the ninja's name softly before suddenly appearing next to Syaoran, helping him pick up the pieces.

"Becareful, Sakura-chan." Fai spoke up as he left to probably get a broom.

"Princess… it's fine." He tried saying then he caught the worried look of the other.

And for a moment he felt something akin to happiness—before immediately squashing the emotion down. He didn't deserve her concern… not after everything he had done.

She suddenly winced, and he immediately looked down to see one of the piece had nicked her hand. Blood immediately welled up and before he could do anything, Kurogane was by her side, pressing a cloth on her hand.

"Go to Fai." Kurogane carefully helped her out, "Let him treat that wound."

"It's fine—"

"Please, Princess." He then spoke up, making her turn at him in surprise.

"I'll help the kid. Just go."

Reluctantly, she nodded and left. But not before casting one last worried gaze at him. As Kurogane crouched next to him, the ninja was staring at his arm that was merely bent on his knee as he continued picking the shards with just one hand.

"Something wrong with your arm?"

"It… it just fell asleep." He hated lying. But telling the ninja he was fine would probably trigger another pissed reaction. If he were honest though, his arm had been bothering him lately and it became alarming when it started feeling like a dead weight rather than a limb.

He watched the disbelief cross the taller man's face before standing up to deposit the pieces to the trash, "You're not getting enough sleep."

He slowly stood up, trying to keep his attention on the shards in his hand, not wanting them to fall on the floor once more.

"You're going to have to rest or you won't be able to participate for the next match."

Fortunately he had managed to throw away the pieces as he spun around to protest, when the world tilted for a moment. He grabbed the counter and immediately felt hands on his shoulders, steadying him.

"See what I mean, kid?"

He shut his eyes tightly, willing the world to stop moving, "I can fight."

"You'll just end up dead."

"I'm fine!"

Then the hands on his shoulders tightened, "No! You're not!"

He flinched at the loud voice and looked up at the other, trying to keep a determined face. He didn't want to back down. He needed to do this. He needed to fight.

His sin would just keep devouring him if he dared back down. Everything that was happening up to that point was all his fault. All because of that wish. He had to correct it.

"What are you trying to prove?" Kurogane growled out, "Trying to look tough when you can barely stand—it's pathetic!"

He jolted a bit from the insult but tried not to let it get to him. He deserved it. Every pain, insult, mistrust—this was his punishment.

"Unless you want to pull this team down, you'll need to step back, Syaoran-kun."

He turned to see Fai standing by the dinner table, the broom in his hand. He was smiling that hollow smile, "Or you could tell us what you dream at night that's been keeping you awake."

"That's—"

"You have yet to tell us anything. We don't know anything about you at all." Fai continued, "So do tell what's been haunting you. It may at least give us a clue of what kind of person you are."

"You don't trust me." The words were out of his mouth before he could think about it. He watched as that single golden eye widened for a moment before narrowing into a glare.

"No… we don't."

"Oi Mage—"

"The clone…" Everyone tensed at that and Syaoran caught a flicker of movement from afar… and he knew Sakura was there, trying to listen, "He was created with the sole purpose to merely gather the Princess' feather."

He lifted a hand to his chest and shut his eyes in resignation, "I gave him my heart hoping he would be able to have one of his own before the seal would break."

Kurogane frowned, "You already told us this before."

"That's right." He pushed the ninja's hand from his shoulder, "And I had hoped that you would've understood by then."

Syaoran gripped his limped arm once more, "Every victories, every loss, every battle… I saw everything…" He hunched his shoulders, "And every emotion… every response the clone created… it was also from my heart."

There was a moment of silence.

"I had hoped that enough was clue of what kind of person I am." Syaoran slowly shook his head, a sad smile forming on his face, "I am sorry for misunderstanding."

"Kid—"

He bowed at Kurogane's direction then at Fai's, "I shall head to bed to rest… so I can keep my position as a fighter for the next chess match."

And without waiting for a response he rushed for his room. Trying to keep the sluggish feeling at bay to keep him from collapsing. The last thing he wanted was to prove Kurogane right about his inability to battle with them.

"Syaoran-kun…"

His hand froze on the door knob and he turned to see Sakura, standing not too far. He watched as those green eyes stare at him in sadness… with the usual pain and hesitance.

He could only smile at her in response, "Rest well, Princess. Good night."

She had held out a hand to stop him, but he quickly entered his chambers and shut the door behind him before he could change his mind. He didn't want to cause her anymore pain. Even… even if she wasn't  _her_.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUUUUCH FOR YOUR KIND REVIEWS! They gave me hope that this story may be not that bad hahahaha! Well anyway, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it, and I assure you I'll post the next chapter- which is the last chapter- after I get our results in the board exams. Probably Feb 5 or 6. Please pray for me guys!
> 
> Keep reviewing my precious readers!
> 
> Emotional/Angsty/Hurt Syaoran on the lose! Enjoy ;)

He remembered those moments when they would laugh and celebrate… the moments when they would be there for each other when their pasts would start haunting them… and that one moment when they all gathered, trying to stick close as Mokona would bring them to another world… it was warm and gentle…

But then, reality would come crashing down as he realized he was still in his prison… trapped… alone.

_Please… please…_

He begged silently in his mind as he watched through his left eye as the other Syaoran would smile when the Princess wasn't looking, busy admiring whatever beauty the new world held.

_Please… please… please…_

"Please…" And just like that, he was awake once more.

He couldn't tell if it was morning as rain poured from the outside. He tried to sit up, but was surprised that his limbs wouldn't obey his command at all. He wanted to panic but keeping his eyes open was just as hard as trying to lift his left arm.

A knock to the door snapped him from his reverie. It was Kurogane, telling him it was time for breakfast. He wanted nothing more but to stand up and join them but something was wrong—he felt unusually weak.

' _Maybe…'_  He thought,  _'Maybe… I'm just really tired…'_

Remembering the sleepless nights, he then calmed a bit as he accepted the conclusion. Slowly, he let his eyes shut as he muttered about sleeping more. And hopefully when he wakes again, his strength would have returned.

The loud banging immediately disrupted his sleep making him groan. He wouldn't be able to regain his strength if Kurogane kept banging on his door like that.

" _Come out now, kid! You've been there the whole day!"_

That got him to snap his eyes open. ' _Whole day?_ '

" _You've already skipped lunch, come out now or I'll drag you out of there!"_ Kurogane growled from the other side. He quickly struggled up, feeling a little dreadful when his limbs wouldn't obey. Something was definitely wrong.

"Kuro—" He felt weak… too weak… his eyes were drooping close once more, but he forced them to stay open. He needed help.

" _Kid!"_  The banging continued.

He shut his eyes and bit his lip as his trembling left hand managed to push him up slightly just as he swung his legs at the side of his bed. He needed to let the others know… that something was wrong.

His breathing was too shallow, and his surroundings were starting to blur. But he grabbed onto the small drawer next to his bed and tried to put all his weight on it as he willed his body to stand.

" _Tch. Fine. Be that way."_  Then he could hear the other's footsteps leave.

' _No!'_  His whole body trembled as he finally managed to stand, "Wait—"

Then his world tilted. The drawer he had been holding on had crashed as he put too much weight on one side, bringing him with it. He didn't have the air to cry out as he landed on the ground harshly with a loud thud.

He shut his eyes tightly at the pain in his head and joints, not able to notice how the heavy footsteps from outside had stopped. And just as he was about to give up, the loud banging was back.

" _Oi kid! What was that noise?"_

He fought to keep his eyes open as he whispered, "Kurogane-san…"

More banging,  _"Answer me or I'll break in!"_

His breathing was too slow now and he was feeling too light-headed. He heard more muffled voices from outside and heard Kurogane shout something. But he couldn't tell what it was when he heard something break and light suddenly flooded his room from the outside.

A horrified gasp and someone called out his name in… was that worry?

And suddenly, large hands grabbed him by the shoulders and he forced his eyes to open. Funny how he didn't remember closing them. He was suddenly pulled up, propped up on one strong arm, but his head sagged back. He watched as Kurogane demanded what was wrong with him while Fai knelt next to him, a firm grip was then felt on his other shoulder.

"He's not responding." Fai stated as he held the other's head up just as the teen shut his eyes once more, while feeling for any signs of fever. He was cold and clammy and that wasn't a good sign at all.

"Syaoran-kun!"

Sakura limped in, her face filled with fear and horror. Mokona was in her arms and quickly hopped over to them.

"What's wrong with Syaoran?"

Kurogane growled, "I don't know."

"Kurogane!" Fai was suddenly tilting the boy's face, his own face filled with panic as he put two fingers on his neck, "His pulse is too weak! And he's too pale!"

The ninja's eyes widened for a moment before quickly placing the boy to lean against his chest instead. Quickly he grabbed Syaoran's right arm and scanned it, ignoring Fai who looked at him questioningly.

"Shit!" He immediately found the red scar over the boy's forearm and turned to the mage, "Call for help! Now!"

"Wha—"

"He got hit by that bastard from our previous match!"

Sakura, who had knelt next to Fai looked at him in horror, "You mean—"

"It was the same blade that poisoned me." Kurogane growled and Fai was immediately on his feet, Mokona hopping to his shoulder as they left the room.

"N-no…" Tears welled up in Sakura's eyes as she held Syaoran's cold hand. She quickly buried her face in it, hoping to transfer some of her warmth to him, "Syaoran-kun…"

Kurogane could only grip the other's arm in frustration.

_How could we have let this happen?_

* * *

_Powerless…_

_Weak…_

_He was supposed to protect her…_

_And he failed._

_He was given another chance…_

_And he somehow blotched that up as well…_

_Every decision he made only led to horrible consequences._

_He destroyed so many lives._

_And Fei Wong would merely smirk at the other side of his prison. He wanted nothing more but to wipe that smug look off his face… and yet he could barely even move a finger. He will get his chance. He will escape his prison… and he will protect them… the new friends he—the other Syaoran had acquired… as well as_ that _Sakura._

_They deserve a chance… a chance he and his Sakura wasn't able to get._

_Then suddenly, the bloody face of his clone flashed before his face and he heard Sakura scream. He immediately held his sword, blocking the blade that was sure to cut off his head._

" _You—"_

" _I will gather them all."_

_He stiffened at those blank mismatched eyes. He felt the pain, guilt and frustration as he stared at his other self, wondering how the person he had been looking through his blind eye for years now turned into a monster._

_He felt the other held the side of his face and realized he couldn't even move when the clone's own face grew closer._

" _I was created because of you." The clone whispered to his ear, "Even so… you will not be able stop me from my goal."_

_And the clone held up his sword and stabbed him through the stomach—_

Syaoran gasped loudly as his eyes flew open. He quickly pushed himself up, confused at the unfamiliar surroundings when he felt hands on his shoulders, trying to push him back down on soft pillows. He tried to take deep breaths as he realized someone was speaking to him in a soothing tone.

"Syaoran-kun, it's alright. You're safe…"

His eyes met with Fai's and he couldn't help but be confused, "W-where…"

"You're in a clinic…" He was smiling, but it seemed strained. But for some reason… Syaoran preferred this more than the hollow ones he had been seeing for the past few days, "You gave everyone quite a scare."

"Fai-san…"

He felt a hand on his head and he unconsciously shut his eyes. The gentle gesture soothing him. But soon he felt the other stiffened as if realizing what he had just done and retreated his hand.

He tried not to wince as he shuffled for a better position. His muscles still ached and the exhaustion was still there, but compared to last time, it was at least manageable.

"Why?" Fai suddenly spoke up, making him turn to him, his vision already blurring as he felt another wave of fatigue hit him.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Syaoran blinked sluggishly, not fully comprehending, "I don't… understand."

"The wound on your arm, Syaoran kun." Fai's fists clenched on his lap, "It was hit with the same blade as the poisoned one Kurogane was hit with."

That information should've shocked him, but the need for sleep was rather overwhelming, "I didn't know… about the poison…"

Then the mage looked at him in shock before understanding dawned in his face, "Syaoran-kun… I…"

He didn't like the way the mage wasn't smiling anymore. Like how everything was his fault… but it wasn't. It was Syaoran's fault… all of it. All because of that wish. He was so relieved when he finally could move his right hand, however it trembled badly as he tried to reach for the other.

Fai caught the action and immediately held it. Syaoran then shut his eyes as he muttered.

"It's alright, Fai-san… I'm fine."

He wasn't able to feel the tight grip on his hand or the way the mage had put his hand back over his soft brown locks once more, making soothing gestures—his face tight in sorrow.

* * *

"Syaoran-kun…"

Syaoran was in the middle of eating the sliced apples brought by Kurogane, who had then left to buy some other stuff with Fai and Mokona, before turning to Sakura whose face was shadowed by her hair.

"I'm… I'm sorry…"

"Princess—"

"No…" Sakura looked up, her eyes filled with determination and sorrow, "This time… please let me apologize. This time, the fault lies with me as well."

Syaoran could only shake his head, "It was because I was careless… I should've let the healers check my injuries."

Sakura's eyes shadowed once more, making him held out a hand to hold hers, before stopping as he remembered his clone. But he was surprised as the princess grabbed his hand with both hers and clenched it, "We didn't inform you about the poison… if you had known…"

Tears welled up in her eyes and his heart ache as he unconsciously gripped her hand tighter, "Princess, it's alright… I'm fi—"

"Please stop."

He couldn't help but feel like this had happened before—with Kurogane.

"You're not. You're not fine." Sakura leaned forward, "I've been so absorbed with…" She paused and Syaoran stiffened as he knew who she was remembering. Slowly, he tried to ease his hand out of her grip, but was surprised when she merely tightened her grip.

"You always smile… even when no one would smile back." Sakura continued, "You apologize over every little thing when you barely did anything wrong. You tell us you're fine… even when your heart screams of pain and loneliness."

He tried to push the image of his prison at the back of his mind and smiled, "I'm not…"

"Don't lie." Sakura ran a thumb over his knuckles, "I can sense your true feelings… your pain."

The images of the darkness and Fai Wong's dark smirk were unbearable now as they keep flashing in his mind, as if forcing them to surface from behind the multitude of layers he had built to prevent him from breaking down and to keep moving forward.

He tried to pull his hand back, but the princess' grip was surprisingly strong, "Princess—"

No, he couldn't do this.

Not now.

"You're not fine. So stop saying you are." Sakura continued with her eyes shut tightly, "You don't have to go through this alone. Please trust us… even if we don't deserve it… please… trust me…"

Images of the blank look the Princess would direct to him as she shut the door to her room before he could say anything were next to flash in his mind. He always knew she was hiding something… but at the same time… had a feeling whatever he did would only be useless and he would not be able to stop her.

And that pained him more than ever.

More than the loneliness… the rejection… but the fact that he knew the Princess was most probably going to make a sacrifice over his mistake… his sin that created a distortion…

No… not just her…

But Kurogane… and Fai…

Before he knew it, he had yanked his hand from the other's grip, his eyes tightly shut, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Syaoran-kun…"

"Please… go…"

He felt the other stiffened and immediately felt guilt… but he couldn't bear the princess to see his tears and shame… he just couldn't let her go through that.

"Please…"

Then soft hands held his face and before he could react, he was pulled into a hug.

"No…"

He opened his eyes and felt the tears flow down his face, and the other's arms just grew tighter around him.

"Not again… I won't make the same mistake again." Sakura's voice shook, but her determination was just as firm as her grip, "You've always been there for me Syaoran-kun."

He opened his mouth to tell her that it wasn't him— but once again the other interrupted him.

"You were right. You may not have been there physically… but you saw everything and your heart was with us…" She let out a shuddering breath, and he knew she was crying again, "And even after everything… I know what you did for  _him_ was not in vain. Deep inside him, I know there's a light…"

He wasn't so sure about that… he couldn't help but feel bitter as his thigh throbbed at the area where his clone had stabbed him.

"I may not know anything much about you… and what you've been through… but once in a while, it is alright to rest." Sakura murmured, "You don't have to keep pushing yourself… so please… Syaoran-kun… rest."

It must've been the soothing tone of Sakura as his eyelids suddenly drooped and his limbs went limp. He should've panicked as it almost reminded him of that time when the poison slowly took over him, but this… this was different. He could feel warmth spread from his core and slowly his eyes finally shut.

"Prin…cess…"

" _She_  will be sad…" She had whispered in his ears and for a moment he was confused as to what she meant… but sleep was suddenly overwhelming. He then heard the door open and someone sounding panicked.

He felt big hands replace Sakura's arms as he was gently laid back on soft pillows. Then the warm hands of the princess was back, softly caressing his face as she wiped away the remaining tears on his face. He should've felt shame… but instead… he felt warm… and cared.

The hushed conversation was the last thing he heard before finally, letting sleep take over him.

* * *

"The poison was meant to paralyze your muscles." Kurogane suddenly spoke up as they stood by the reception desk, Syaoran looked up at the other in surprise who merely continued, "And because you left it untreated, it spread in your body 'til it reached your lungs. Which is the reason why you were feeling tired for the past couple of days and why you were barely breathing when we found you."

"I'm—" Syaoran paused as he remembered the other's sour reaction whenever he would try to apologize, "I see…"

"As long as Syaoran is alright, everything is fine!" Mokona chimed as he hopped onto the other's shoulder, who smiled at the white being.

"Thank you, Mokona."

Kurogane just stared at the other who signed a clipboard handed to him, checking himself out, before heading for the exit. Syaoran quickly followed the other out to the clinic as soon as he was done.

"Kurogane-san… the apartment is this way."

The ninja grunted and held out a piece of paper, "The mage needed things."

Syaoran tensed for a moment as he remembered how long it had been since they last did an errand, and how it all ended with a rather thick atmosphere. As if sensing his hesitance, Kurogane grunted and grabbed the other by the forearm and promptly dragged him.

"You're overthinking."

The brunet could only stiffen at the comment, an apology ready to escape his lips before managing to stop himself. He let the other drag him across the road before suddenly stopping in front of a bakery.

Scarlet eyes looked at him expectantly and he in turn turned to Mokona, expecting the white bun to shout out a dessert, but surprisingly just kept humming a random tune in Syaoran's arms.

"Oh… uhm…" He wasn't entirely sure as he stared at the different bread and pastries, "Doughnuts will be fine…"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow.

Feeling his face heat up a bit, he then added, "And… an apple pie, I guess."

He heard the other start muttering about his unusual addiction to fruits and couldn't stop the blood rushing into his face. He wasn't used to actually sharing what he favored most when throughout the travel they had been having a hard time with money and couldn't afford being picky.

"Eat up." The paper bag was handed to him and he looked inside to see five pieces of apple pie and one doughnut, which Mokona started complaining to Kurogane which eventually led to an argument.

"You can have some of my pie, Mokona." He immediately offered.

"Syaoran is so nice! Unlike Kuro-pyon!"

"Annoying pork bun." Kurogane grumbled before heading towards a nearby bench to sit down, and Syaoran followed like a lost puppy.

"We'll be having another chess match next week." Kurogane spoke up as he leaned back the bench, arms crossed over his chest.

"I will do my best, Kurogane-san." Syaoran automatically replied as he nibbled on his pie while Mokona dug in to the single doughnut in the bag.

"No. I want you to promise me something else, kid."

Syaoran immediately turned to the ninja in confusion, but the other merely had his eyes shut as he continued, "Every after matches, even if you've only acquired scratches. I want you to get checked by the medics."

The brunet could only look at him in surprise, "K-Kurogane-san?"

The other was starting to look embarrassed as his eyebrow twitched, which only grew worse when Mokona spoke up cheerfully, "Daddy Kurogane must be very worried for Syaoran! Kuro-pyon is actually really soft when it comes to—kyaaah!"

Kurogane had grabbed the white being and pinched both its cheeks hard, pulling them as far as possible, "That's it! You're tonight's dinner and neither the princess nor the mage can stop me-GAH!"

Mokona had kicked the other's chin and hopped towards a stunned looking Syaoran, "Syaoraaaan! Save meee!"

"Why you—!"

"I will, Kurogane-san." Kurogane halted his attempt to try and grab the white bun who was hiding behind Syaoran's shoulder.

The brunet smiled at the ninja, "I promise not to make the same mistake. Thank you for your concern, Kurogane-san."

"Hn. Good." The ninja tried to look nonchalant, though he was obviously trying to hide his embarrassment and slight annoyance, making Mokona snicker and leaving Syaoran clueless, wondering if he had said something wrong.

"Come on. We still have this list to take care of."

Syaoran nodded as he handed the remaining pies to Mokona who merely opened its mouth to store the pastries. The brunet looked at the other in confusion about to tell Mokona to finish the pies if it wanted to when Kurogane suddenly spoke up as he stood.

"Don't think all the fault lies on you."

And with that, he walked off just as Syaoran turned to him in surprise. He was about to speak up but Mokona patted him in the cheek, "Kuro-pyon was very worried for Syaoran. Kuro-pyon was the one guarding you whenever Sakura-chan and Fai-chan would leave to take care of the apartment or bring some clothes." The fluffy being then huffed out of its chest, "Of course, Mokona was always there for Syaoran as well!"

This got the brunet to chuckle, "Thank you, Mokona."

This got the small being to giggle in appreciation while the other turned to Kurogane feeling a little happy that the other had been concerned for him. But at the same time guilty for making them worry all the time.

It seemed all he ever did was give everyone trouble.

" _Even so… you will not be able stop me from my goal."_

He felt his left eye throb and unconsciously placed a hand over it. The warm feeling from earlier being replaced by something cold and heavy.

"Something wrong with your eye?"

He quickly put his hand down as he looked up to see Kurogane watching him with narrowed eyes.

"Just… an old ache." He replied hastily before rushing ahead, "Shall we go, Kurogane-san?"

"Hn."

Syaoran didn't need to look to know how much the other was frowning while giving him a piercing look.

* * *

' _SURPRISE!'_

Syaoran almost jumped at the sudden shouts and confetti that showered him as he, Mokona and Kurogane entered their apartment.

"W-wha—"

"WEEE! Mokona loves surprises!" Mokona explained as it jumped towards Fai who held one of the party poppers, smiling brightly.

"Welcome home~" The mage greeted as Sakura, who stood at the other side, smiled shyly.

Syaoran could only blink, clueless, "U-uhm…"

"It's a welcome home party." Kurogane grumbled as he closed the door behind him and pushed Syaoran forward, "Stop standing there looking like an idiot."

"I'm sorry—"

"Now, now, Kuro-chan, is that how you treat the guest of honor?" Fai chastised the ninja who looked even more annoyed at the nick name but held his tongue as he made his way to the kitchen with the supplies they bought. Syaoran, though still a little bewildered, tried to follow the other to deposit the remaining groceries he was carrying but was stopped by Fai who took the bags from him.

"Why don't you go sit down at the couch and rest for now Syaoran-kun? We don't want you pushing yourself after just getting out of the clinic."

"It's fine, Fai-san—I-"

"Please~?"

The brunet wanted to protest but saw the earnest look of the other and the hint of guilt that he was trying to obviously hide with his wide smile. That made him frown with a bit of confusion before deciding to relent, "Alright…"

And the smile seemed more real as the blonde turned and make his way to the kitchen. His right arm suddenly throbbed in pain, right were the scar was and he automatically held it.

"Syaoran-kun?" This made him jump, not realizing the princess had been standing next to him.

"P-Princess… I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

Those emerald eyes shone with concern, "Is your arm bothering you?"

He hastily let it go, "No… it's nothing."

She didn't look like she believed him, and he couldn't blame her. So he tried to smile lightly, "I'm alright, Princess. Thank you for your concern and for taking care of me for the past few days."

The concern was now replaced with a pained look, and Syaoran tried not to let it get to him. He knew she must be thinking about  _him_  again.

" _I was created because of you."_

His left eye twitched once more and he quickly turned before she would notice, "Excuse me, Princess. I should go and get cleaned up."

"Syaoran—"

He didn't dare turn back as he quickly rushed into his room and locked the newly fixed door behind him. He was suddenly reminded of that time Sakura had been the one taking care of him and felt shame claw its way through his chest. Not just for that moment of weakness the Princess had to see, but for feeling  _happy_ that she… that they were treating him like he was one of their own…

When he knew he didn't deserve it.

He let out a shaky breath as he made his way to the bathroom, wanting the scent of antiseptic and the outside to be gone.

* * *

He had just finished changing into fresh clothes when he heard the heavy knocks of Kurogane on his door, "Kid, it's time to eat."

Syaoran quickly opened the door to see the impatient ninja, "You alright?"

He tried not to look surprise at the question, "Of course."

The taller man grunted and tilted his head towards the direction of the dining room. Syaoran quickly followed the other and was surprised to see the amount of food set out on the table. Worry was the first thing he felt as he started wondering if they still had enough money for the following meals knowing how much budget they had left. Maybe he could try portioning his food so that the others could—

"I can hear the gears in your head from here." He stiffened as a heavy hand was suddenly on his head, "You're thinking too much."

"Ah no… it's just—"

"Come now, Syaoran-kun! Do you not like my cooking?" Fai asked with a pout while Mokona hopped on the blonde's head, "Fai's cooking is the best!"

"No, Fai-san—that's not—"

"Then what are you waiting for? Sit down so we can start eating!" Fai gently pushed him to the seat next to where Sakura was sitting much to his shock. The princess tried to offer a smile but her eyes held worry.

He tried not to think too much about it.

"LET'S EAT!" Mokona exclaimed loudly as they finally sat on their respective seats. The table was surprisingly lively as Sakura complimented Fai's cooking while Kurogane tried to catch Mokona who stole food from his plate.

Syaoran tried to eat as quietly as possible, so as to not disturb the familiar routine but Fai had turned his attention to him.

"Is my food not up to your expectations?"

Syaoran knew he was teasing as the other pouted but couldn't help but reply in panic, "N-no! It's good."

"Then I'm glad!" Fai smiled widely as Kurogane rolled his eyes and Sakura managed a small smile.

Syaoran tensed a bit at the all too familiar scene and instead of feeling the warmth of happiness he usually felt…

No… it wasn't him that usually witnessed this scene—it was the clone—

_**You will only be able to watch the paths unfold that you, yourself distorted!** _

Fei Wong's manic grin flashed in his mind and he tried not to show the heavy, cold guilt that settled in his stomach instead. He wanted to leave, but at the same time he didn't want them to think he was being rude…

But he didn't deserve this. Their smiles and kindness…

They were only acting like this out of guilt. And that should hurt him but he accepted that fact as every pain and hurt he felt is what he only deserved. It was nothing compared to what they had to go through all because of the distortion he made.

For being selfish… all the people in the table had paid the price as well.

For a wish that they didn't even ask for.

"You're not eating." Kurogane's voice snapped him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see everyone staring at him.

He felt cold and numb… as he wondered how they would react once the time would come when he would have to tell them about his sin. Once that time would come as he would have to recount that memory of being forced to be locked away and sealed into a watery prison—

"Are you alright?" Fai frowned, "You're looking pale."

"The medications… are making me feel unwell…" He tried to keep his voice level, willing it not to crack. He couldn't look at the others—he didn't deserve to. He shouldn't have said those words that only aroused their guilt. He wasn't the victim here—he was the monster who ripped away their happiness and loved ones.

"Syaoran-kun…?"

He especially couldn't look at her. Not when her existence—

"I need to rest." He finally stood up and not so subtly retreated his hand when Sakura tried to reach for it. Knowing that she'll  _feel_ the dark emotions swirling non-stop within him.

"I promise to eat later." He said with a slight bow, "I'm sorry."

Just as he turned to head to his room, Kurogane spoke up.

"You're not telling us something."

He froze at the accusation and Fei Wong's cruel words echoed in his head.

"We can't always read your mind. So when something's bothering you, you've gotta speak up, kid."

The water prison flashed once more in his mind and all the memories and silent sufferings of the others he saw through his clone's eyes brought another wave of shame and guilt.

"I assure you, everything's fine… the medication—"

"Bullshit." There was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and Mokona's startled cry. He couldn't help but turn around in reaction and saw the impatient look of the ninja, "Something's been bothering you ever since we've got here."

Dark, cold, mismatched eyes were the next to appear in his mind and it brought a spike of pain towards his left eye. He pressed the heel of his palm against it in reflex and stumbled a bit with a hiss. He didn't see how Kurogane's expression faltered and how both Sakura and Fai stood up in concern.

The pain was almost fresh as the time he had torn his soul in half for a gamble that was impossible.

Will it always be like this? Will he always be reminded of that time through a pain that acts like an old battle wound? Always freezing up in fear when being reminded of that prison he had been stuck in for 7 years?

"Syaoran—"

He quickly retreated his hand, trying to pretend that that just didn't happen, "I'm fine."

Those two words seemed to have the opposite effect of assurance when he saw the doubt and disbelief written all over their faces. So instead of making any more excuses he knew they wouldn't believe, he makes a retreat for his room with a silent 'excuse me'.

Fortunately, this time, no one tried to stop him as he finally shut the door behind him and locked it with a soft click.

He felt like a failure.

He felt like a coward.

But he knew it wasn't time yet. As much as he wanted to tell them everything, their pain and wounds are still too fresh after losing that one companion. Telling them now would only lead to him unable to accomplish the goal he had wished to achieve. For he knew that even if he looked a lot like their old friend… he was nothing more but a stranger who had entered their lives and tore their little makeshift family apart.

Steeling up his nerves he took a deep breath and turned to the cracked mirror at the corner of his room. He studied his arms, now bare from those red symbols, and felt his crumbling resolve harden. He didn't have the luxury nor time to mourn and feel bad for himself. He had a duty to accomplish.

He had already gotten this far… there was no point in breaking down now.

_**TBC...** _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oookay, first things first, I really have no idea how this chess match works. All I know is that they seem to have rules that suggest there are no rules as long as they win. I'm just kidding it's just all confusing and I'm just gonna admit one of the enemies here would have a weird ability (aka magic) AND BEFORE YOU CAN THINK IT'S UNFAIR- he sucks at hand-to-hand combat and his magic is his only way of fighting. So there! (I just really need a plot hahaha and like I said, this is fanfiction bwahahaha)
> 
> ENJOY!

_**Chapter 3** _

It was tense as they prepare themselves for their next battle. The arena was loud with disgusted glee as the speaker roused them to cheer.

Syaoran turned to the others who were all focused on the empty arena before them. Ever since that day, their little group seemed to have reset back to them isolating each other.

Sakura had returned to locking herself in her room even more, and Fai wouldn't look at him. Kurogane would acknowledge him with small nods, but he could see the way those crimson eyes narrow at him as if he weren't sure if he should trust him or not.

He couldn't blame them as he himself started closing them off. He shouldn't have tried and got all chummy with them… not with the possibility of them leaving as he grows nearer to his inevitable battle with Fei Wong.

"The price money is pretty high this time." Fai suddenly spoke up, "Our opponents must be strong."

Kurogane snorted as he tightened his grip on his sword, "We'll see about that."

The cheers suddenly grew loud and Syaoran caught sight of their opponents who stepped up the arena. They looked like the typical rebels covered in leather and chains… except for the one behind them who had his eyes covered by dark bangs. The brunet couldn't shake off the feeling that something was off about that opponent. He carried nothing but a dagger and he could tell by the man's stance— that the man was not a fighter… and yet…

Their team was next called and he was forced out of his thoughts as Sakura took her place on the chair, her face as blank as the first battle they had. His grip tightened around the spiked blades he held in his hand before following Fai and Kurogane to the battle field.

Slowly the cheers died down almost to a deafening silence when a loud shrilling noise echoed throughout the arena and without a second to waste, Syaoran lunged to the nearest opponent—a guy with long braided locks and a sneer that seemed to be permanently etched on his face.

"A kid? You've got to be kidding me!"

The man dodged his attack and swung his spiked bat towards him. He ducked and swiped his legs underneath him, causing the man to stumble. He did not hesitate as he aimed for the other's face, however the guy merely blocked his weapon with his bat.

"You're a feisty one, aren't you?"

He kneed the other's gut in reply, earning him a surprised gasp. He took this opportunity to do a roundhouse kick aiming for the back of his opponent's head.

There was a pained grunt and the man was thrown far to the other side of the arena. He heard the crowd cheer and ignored it as he took his time to approach his opponent while keeping an ear out of the battle happening with his other companions.

Syaora couldn't help but think something wasn't adding up as he crouched in front of his unconscious opponent and sliced the chained collared around his neck—signifying the other's loss. The battle was too easy— he had faced far more difficult opponents than this.

"OI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Syaoran spun around in alarm at hearing Kurogane's sudden shout. His eyes widened as he watched Fai attack Kurogane with his sword. Then his body suddenly felt heavy making him kneel as if a boulder had fell on his shoulders. He watched the same effect suddenly fall upon his companions and turned to see Sakura, her face torn and conflicted.

This wasn't good.

He watched as Fai pushed himself to try and attack Kurogane once more while the ninja tried to coordinate his heavy limbs to defend himself. A figure suddenly appeared behind the ninja and Syaoran pushed through against the heavy force as he lunged to protect Kurogane.

But someone blocked his path and the first thing he noticed were the piercing red eyes that were once covered with long dark bangs.

And suddenly, his limbs were numb. He tried not to think too much about it—he tried to push it at the back of his mind but the sensation was too familiar and terrifying. His surroundings were starting to blur between being in his prison, forced to slumber—then back to the arena with Kurogane struggling against two opponents.

' _This man has magic.'_ Syaoran realized as he felt a trickle of sweat at the side of his face.

"The fear in your eyes…" The man gave him a sly smirk, "It's very refreshing."

His heart was pounding loudly as more of those memories started flashing in his mind. No he couldn't— not now…

He was forced to watch as his clone started appearing before him before blurring back to reality but this time—instead of seeing his clone, he was face-to-face with Fai's emotionless face. His blade inches from the other's neck.

He could hear Kurogane yelling his name only to be interrupted by his opponent who tried to attack him. Syaoran's arms were heavy and numb—he tried not to panic as he realized he was trapped once more in his own body. Unable to move… unable to do anything…

Nononono _notagain—_

" _Do it…"_

He let out a pained screamed as his own arms moved on their own accord— nononono _NO—_ and his blade cut the other's skin along with the collar. And Fai was suddenly jolted out of whatever trance he was and backed away. Eye wide in shock as he put a hand over the  _shallow_ cut on his neck.

"Hmpf… you're pretty strong to have been able to resist me like that." The man was suddenly next to him as people tried to drag Fai out of the arena, his collar now on the ground signifying his loss.

He felt the other tilt his chin towards his direction and those scarlet eyes only seemed to glow, "Nevertheless, at least there's still one more."

The face was replaced with his clone's blank one, staring back at him. And suddenly his arms burned with bright red symbols just as his prison started forming around him. He tried to make a sound but couldn't find it in him to do so.

_He'll be imprisoned for who knows how long._

" _ **You must pay the price for your wish."**_

_He'll be forced to watched the others suffer and he'll—_

" **KID!"**

He was back in reality and he realized he was pinning Kurogane on the ground and his own blade poised high above his head. It seemed like it was only him, Kurogane and the mysterious mage. Kurogane's opponent now being dragged out of the arena.

The crowd's cheers were deafening and he looked up to see the horror on Sakura's face. She looked disheveled as if she had been struggling against her own restraints. This must be the reason why Kurogane couldn't push him off. Sakura's will was to restrain him as well, however the magician's control on him was too strong as he felt his hands slowly descend, ready to strike the ninja's heart—

_**NO!** _

The blade stopped in time. The tip just hovering above the other's clothes. Kurogane's eyes widened just as his vision blurred. And for a moment he thought he was going back to those horrid memories to reminisce once more, when he felt something trickle down his face and drop on the other's face.

"Oi oi~ What are you waiting for?"

He felt the hand of the man on his shoulder and he tensed as another memory of Fei Wong -putting a heavy hand over his shoulder before declaring his lost freedom with a sickening glee- flashed before his eyes. No… not anymore…  _NOT AGAIN!_

The strangled scream escaped him this time as he felt his limbs once more, heavier like they were made of lead, but he didn't mind this as he twisted around to face his surprised opponent, his muscles screaming at the strain before driving his blade to the other's side. Just enough to incapacitate him but not kill him.

The man screamed, obviously not used to the kind of pain he was feeling, and collapsed back on the ground writhing in pain.

The heavy feeling was finally gone, but after separating himself from Kurogane, Syaoran finds himself on all fours as if the whole world was weighing him down. The tears wouldn't seem to stop as they continued dropping on the ground, his ragged breathing seemed to be too loud despite the deafening cheers of the crowd around him and the announcer declaring their victory.

Everything was too much— _too much—_

"Syaoran-kun! Syaoran-kun… it's ok, it's ok!" Warm big hands were suddenly on his shoulders giving him a reassuring grip.

He couldn't look up, he was too ashamed of his tears and his trembling limbs.

It was too soon… everything was—

"Kid—say something." Another presence was suddenly next to him and just as he was about to raise a hand to wipe his face, everything around him blurred and before he knew it, he was falling sideways.

There was a surprised exclamation and a worried shout just as he was about to hit the ground hard, only to feel someone catch him with a grunt. It was probably just his imagination but he was sure he heard Sakura calling out to him in worry.

No… it can't be.

He doesn't deserve her worry at all… not after everything he had done…

Not when he wasn't  _her_ Syaoran.

* * *

He dreamt of the warmth of his parents…

The kindness of the people in Clow…

The generosity of the ones ruling the country…

The bright smile of Sakura as she held out a flower crown for him…

This was how it should've been… and how it should've always been. But then that fateful day happened during one of Sakura's rituals. He wasn't able to grab her hand. His hesitation had cost a huge ripple that reached the never-ending future.

He broke a forbidden taboo…

Just to be able to grab that hand one more time.

_Now he couldn't help but wonder if it was all worth it…?_

Brown eyes snapped open and darkness was the first thing he noticed. For a moment he panicked that he was back in his prison, but the irrational thought was immediately squashed when a white fluffy being suddenly jumped on his blanketed chest and hugged the side of his face.

"Syaoran! You're finally awake!" Mokona cried out happily, "Mokona had been worried!"

"Mokona…" He tried lifting his limb, which felt too heavy, to cradle the other while looking around, realizing he was in his room, "What happened?"

"Mokona was surprised when Kuro-pyon and the others came back with Syaoran unconscious, yesterday!" Mokona cried as it rubbed its face against his cheek, "Fai told me not to worry but Syaoran was barely moving at all!"

"I'm sorry…" He winced as he pushed himself into a sitting position, his joints groaning in protest. He couldn't believe he had been unconscious for that long, "I didn't mean to worry you."

The white bun was silent for a moment and carefully hopped down on his lap before looking up, "Everyone was worried for Syaoran."

He blinked and tried not to show the guilt he felt for hearing those words, "Is that so… I guess I should go and—" He yelped when his legs buckled as he tried to stand up from his bed while Mokona cried out in worry as he landed on the ground with a rather loud thump.

Feeling a little light-headed, he didn't hear the rushed footsteps from outside his room. He winced as the door slammed open and looked up to see Kurogane and Fai by the door, both surprised to see him on the ground.

Talk about déjà vu.

"Syaoran-kun, are you alright?" Fai frowned as he rushed to help the brunet back to bed, while Kurogane stood by the door frame looking annoyed.

"What the hell were you thinking? Trying to get up when you've barely recovered!" He scowled, making Syaoran feel a little bit ashamed yet at the same annoyed that they were treating him like a fragile child.

"I'm sorry…" He said instead staring down at his hands as Fai tucked the blankets around his legs, "I'm alright now so—"

"Is everything alright?" Sakura entered with difficulty no thanks to her leg. Then her jade green eyes landed on Syaoran and her gaze softened significantly, "Syaoran-kun! I'm so glad you're finally awake."

He stiffened before making a small bow, "I'm sorry for making you worry, Princess. And to Fai-san and Kurogane-san, as well."

There was a tensed silence that followed.

And Syaoran had to look up as he wondered if he had said something wrong, when Kurogane sighed in annoyance.

"Would you just stop that?"

He ignored the hurt that pierced through his chest at the other's comment, "W-what…?"

A hand was suddenly on his head and he looked up to see the mage staring at him softly but there was a stern look in his eye, "How do you feel? Tell us honestly."

He felt himself go rigid. Was this some kind of test? Was there a right answer here?

"Hmmm~ Mokona doesn't like what Mokona's sensing from Syaoran." Mokona suddenly spoke up looking sad and deflated on the brunet's lap, "Syaoran feels so much guilt and fear it makes Mokona want to cry!"

Syaoran faltered, "Mokona, I'm sorry—"

A hand suddenly held his and he turned to find the princess by his side, sitting on a stool that he was sure wasn't there before.

"Syaoran-kun, what's wrong?"

The tone in her voice made his heart ache as he couldn't help but be reminded of his mother whenever she would try to comfort him.

"You're scared… and hurting… I can sense it." She spoke softly, her face gentle and open.

He could feel his walls crumble… he almost felt like he was a child again and his mother was holding him in comfort as he cried from a nightmare.

But… no…

He can't. The princess already had a lot in her plate… she was in so much pain… he could see it in those soft emerald eyes.

He couldn't be selfish and—

"What happened back in the arena…" Fai had removed his hand from his head, "We want to talk about it…"

Syaoran's hands clenched and he felt Sakura's grip tighten as well, "The man had magic… it seemed like he could control people—"

"We already figured that one out, kid." Kurogane spoke up, "We want to talk about how you were able to break out of his spell."

_Desperation._

He winced at that thought, "Must be because of my magic."

"I had magic too… but I couldn't seem to break out of his spell." Fai frowned, "It was like watching TV except that you can't move or feel anything."

He tried to hold back a shudder before muttering, "Yeah…"

There was another pause.

"It reminded you of your prison." Kurogane spoke up, blunt and firm. He whipped his head to him and opened his mouth to deny it but he finds himself speechless.

"I saw it in your eyes." The ninja approached them and frowned at him as he stopped, "When you were about to stab me. I saw the way you tried to fight for control."

"It wasn't…" His voice was small and shaky. What's happening? Why couldn't he control his emotions? "That's not…"

"Your nightmares…" Fai spoke up as he put a hand on one of his covered leg, "Is that what's been keeping you up at night as well?"

Syaoran could only shake his head and shut his eyes tightly, "It's more complicated than that." Finally, he had found his voice, "I've done…"

His eyes then shifted towards his hand that was entwined with the princess'. The young face of his Sakura looking blank with a hand outstretched towards him, flashed before his mind, before he slowly looked up to the current one.

This time he saw his Sakura with black spikes piercing through her body. Her face shocked in soft surprise as if she wasn't just stabbed by her own black wings.

Something must've shown in his face because Sakura's grip suddenly loosened and her eyes suddenly looked moist. Almost as if she could feel the pain he felt.

' _Of course she would…_ ' He chastised himself. She also lost someone important to her, after all. And it so happens that he was wearing the same face as that person.

"You're keeping something from us…" Fai said his face now unreadable, "But then again… aren't we all?"

He slowly shook his head, "It's not the right time…"

He hoped they would understand… he hoped they wouldn't push him to speak. But if it truly were inevitable… then he'll have no choice but to continue this journey alone. The odds were against him… but he had no choice but to keep moving forward.

This was his price.

A sharp pain on his head made him yelp, and he looked up to see Kurogane looking very much pissed. He retreated his fist from his head and growled, "Stop looking at us like we'll abandon you, kid. We've gotten this far, only cowards will back out now."

"You really think we'd let you go alone, Syaoran-kun?" Fai pouted looking hurt, "You must think poorly of us. After everything we've been through—"

"But it wasn't me." He hesitated as he took a quick glance of Sakura whose eyes were now shadowed, face almost as blank as the first time his clone had left them. Whatever he wanted to say next, he quickly shut his mouth.

There was another thick silence and he was ready to open his mouth to apologize and give a poor excuse of feeling rather sleepy when arms suddenly engulfed him trapping him into a warm embrace.

Sakura softly murmured in his ear, "You don't have to feel alone all the time. You're not trapped anymore, Syaoran-kun. You're here, now… with us."

He was frozen, stunned of the other's words. He wanted to push Sakura away. He doesn't deserve this… he knows he doesn't—if she only knew everything he had done… the ripples and distortions he had caused.

Sakura's soft voice stopped him from pushing her off, "Syaoran-kun… you're not fine."

His vision blurred as he opened his mouth, wanting to say he was but Sakura beat him to it as she pulled back and stared him in the eyes. Her face soft as she put a hand on his cheek, caressing gently as she spoke.

"And that's okay."

There was something stuck in his throat, keeping him from saying anything. So instead he took her hand again… wishing he had been able to do same during  _that_  time and pressed it on his forehead as he let his head bow, shielding his face from their view.

He couldn't speak… so instead in his mind he apologized to them. Again… and again… not stopping at all… not even when he felt Fai put an arm over his shaking shoulders… not even when Kurogane put a surprisingly gentle hand on his brown locks… not even when Mokona hugged his middle, crying softly as well… not even when Sakura planted a gentle kiss to his head.

Everything was wrong…

And yet… they made it feel like everything was going to be alright. Even if the world were to fall apart right now... they still made him feel like things would truly just come back to how they used to be.

Sakura was right… he was never alright… he never probably will be. But at that moment… it felt like he was.

Because he had these people… his unlikely family… to thank for.

And so he spoke.

"Thank you…"

* * *

Syaoran and Kurogane were in the middle of sword training early one morning when Mokona jumped on the ninja's face just as he was about to his final blow, exclaiming breakfast was almost ready.

They were forced to go back inside as Kurogane made endless threats towards the white bun who only continued teasing the taller man.

"Go wash up while we finish setting the table." Fai told them as he took the plates Sakura was carrying.

"Good morning." The princess greeted them which Syaoran replied with a bow while Kurogane grunted before retreating to his room.

Of course, things were still tense but in a way it was more tolerable and understandable. Secrets held doubt and made everything deceitful… but their trust in one another made everything easier.

The pain they all felt and held was not easy to forget, but as long as they were there to keep each other stronger… then…

"The food's very delicious, Fai-san."

"I'm glad you think so, Sakura-chan!"

"Mokona wants more!"

"Help yourself! Oh, Kuro-chan, we're gonna need you to buy more groceries."

A grunt. "Fine. You up for it, kid?"

Syaoran froze at the sudden attention. He turned to look at the ninja, whose one eyebrow was raised in expectation. He blinked, "Of course…"

"I would like to come as well." Sakura suddenly spoke up, her eyes soft as they landed on him, "It will be great exercise for my leg."

"Mokona wants to come with!" Mokona exclaimed as he hopped on the brunet's head.

Fai stood up with his empty plate, "Well it seems like I have no choice but to come too." He pouted, "I don't want to be left out, after all!"

"YAY SHOPPING!" Kurogane grabbed Mokona, looking annoyed.

"We're buying groceries, you stupid bun."

"Now, now, Daddy, it doesn't hurt to buy some things for the children too…" Fai's eyes grew cold for a moment, "After all, we have some leftover from the last match."

He tried not to act affected by the last statement but he felt himself stiffen. But a warm hand on his clenched hand snapped him out from the memories that were once again trying to invade his mind.

"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura looked at him worriedly, "Are you alright?"

He hesitated before looking at the others who were staring at him. Hesitantly, he makes a small smile and everyone seemed to relax by this. His gaze softened.

Yes, they were broken…

And yes, they would always be tormented by the past, present and future…

But it's because of those challenges that the flames behind their eyes still burn bright and fierce. As long as they have something to fight for, then…

"I am now."

_**THE END** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, someone thought this was gonna be an angsty ending, and I'm sorry that it isn't. I like doing the angst during the climax... I don't like sad endings. Hahahahuhu But I really appreciate the review! And everyone else's as well! Thank you for all the support! And I'm sorry for the delay! I got busy after passing our board exam (YES! I PASSED! TTHANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS AND SUPPORT! THEY REALLY HELPED) and well, better late than never, right?
> 
> Reviews are love!


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